Friday, October 31, 2008
In memory of a dear friend
Recently, I've been trying to cope with the loss of a dear friend of mine. With respect to privacy for her family, I shall keep her full name anonymous here.
I met her in November of 2007. It was another new start for me at another recruitment company and I was still getting my feet wet trying to get adjusted to the new atmosphere. I met a new consultant there, who became my friend and whom I felt a very strong connection to. We were working on a project in the office while we waited for accounts to become active in order for us to be dispatched to different clients. It was very tedious work for the first month, and the atmosphere in the office was always prickly, but one thing that always helped was seeing the warm smile of my friend each day at work. It was one of those smiles that really warmed up any room and drew me in.
As I got to know her, I found out that she was married, well-off financially to the point that she didn't need to work for salary, yet she really busted her ass off at work day in and day out. She would arrive at work every morning from 8:30am and leave work no earlier than 8pm. She would sometimes work all the way until 11pm, trying to finish some proposals to be finalized for business deals the next day. She wasn't paid much, but it never seemed to matter to my friend. All she ever wanted was recognition and acceptance from us. "You're doing an amazing job!" "I've never seen anyone work so hard like you before." "You are a very important part of our team!"
Comments like those always seemed to take her smile and warmth to the next level. It seemed like she truly felt alive whenever she felt appreciated for all the hard work she had done. She took so much pride into her work, it may have been a bit extreme.
One time, when she was working onsite at a client, she left the company suddenly. Nobody knew what had happened and I was very worried for my friend. I called her at 11pm one night, just to say hi and ask if she was ok. She told me that she felt betrayed at work somehow, but couldn't really put her finger on any specific moment. She told me that she had a traumatic experience before and it somehow was triggered. She felt so guilty and ashamed, that she really was afraid of what our boss would say. I convinced her to come back and let her know that everything is forgiven and that we truly needed her. She ultimately did come back and things were back to normal for a while.
Some time later, I had to leave the company and she came in to replace my role at the client site. After a few months, I came back to Japan and visited my friend to see how she was doing. When I met her again, she seemed very comfortable and brimmed with confidence. She still had the same smile, the same warmth about her, but this time she also seemed to have an aura of secureness. She was in a great situation and I was so proud of her. I really felt like she was going to do well.
Several months pass and I received the biggest shock of my life. I discovered that my dear friend had passed away.
Business was not going so well at the client site and people were being let go as a result. There was a lot of confusion and my ex-colleagues were now struggling. It was during that time that my dear friend made the choice, to take her own life...
Mere words cannot possibly describe the anguish that I feel now. Her passing was so sudden and then there were signs indicating that her emotional state was unstable and required medication. There were also signs indicating the possibility of her husband being abusive and he would not even allow us to send flowers to her grave. He wouldn't even give us the location or address.
I am so mortified by these turn of events that I feel like I could cry at any given moment. We will never see her smile again, never be able to feel her warmth, and most tragically, I'll never be able to tell her how proud I am of her. I feel so guilty of not staying in touch with her during her darkest hour, when she needed a friend to help her during her time of need. I realize now, too late, that her zealous work ethic was really a cry for help.
I can only find a little solace in knowing that she can no longer feel pain now. She has finally exorcised her inner demons and has found peace for her soul. The only thing that I can do now is to carry on her memory and let her spirit live on inside my soul.
I am going to create a foundation in her name. I don't ever want to see anyone suffer the same fate that my dear friend went through.
Suna, may your soul rest in peace and your spirit live on forever.
Your devoted friend,
Jason Louie
I met her in November of 2007. It was another new start for me at another recruitment company and I was still getting my feet wet trying to get adjusted to the new atmosphere. I met a new consultant there, who became my friend and whom I felt a very strong connection to. We were working on a project in the office while we waited for accounts to become active in order for us to be dispatched to different clients. It was very tedious work for the first month, and the atmosphere in the office was always prickly, but one thing that always helped was seeing the warm smile of my friend each day at work. It was one of those smiles that really warmed up any room and drew me in.
As I got to know her, I found out that she was married, well-off financially to the point that she didn't need to work for salary, yet she really busted her ass off at work day in and day out. She would arrive at work every morning from 8:30am and leave work no earlier than 8pm. She would sometimes work all the way until 11pm, trying to finish some proposals to be finalized for business deals the next day. She wasn't paid much, but it never seemed to matter to my friend. All she ever wanted was recognition and acceptance from us. "You're doing an amazing job!" "I've never seen anyone work so hard like you before." "You are a very important part of our team!"
Comments like those always seemed to take her smile and warmth to the next level. It seemed like she truly felt alive whenever she felt appreciated for all the hard work she had done. She took so much pride into her work, it may have been a bit extreme.
One time, when she was working onsite at a client, she left the company suddenly. Nobody knew what had happened and I was very worried for my friend. I called her at 11pm one night, just to say hi and ask if she was ok. She told me that she felt betrayed at work somehow, but couldn't really put her finger on any specific moment. She told me that she had a traumatic experience before and it somehow was triggered. She felt so guilty and ashamed, that she really was afraid of what our boss would say. I convinced her to come back and let her know that everything is forgiven and that we truly needed her. She ultimately did come back and things were back to normal for a while.
Some time later, I had to leave the company and she came in to replace my role at the client site. After a few months, I came back to Japan and visited my friend to see how she was doing. When I met her again, she seemed very comfortable and brimmed with confidence. She still had the same smile, the same warmth about her, but this time she also seemed to have an aura of secureness. She was in a great situation and I was so proud of her. I really felt like she was going to do well.
Several months pass and I received the biggest shock of my life. I discovered that my dear friend had passed away.
Business was not going so well at the client site and people were being let go as a result. There was a lot of confusion and my ex-colleagues were now struggling. It was during that time that my dear friend made the choice, to take her own life...
Mere words cannot possibly describe the anguish that I feel now. Her passing was so sudden and then there were signs indicating that her emotional state was unstable and required medication. There were also signs indicating the possibility of her husband being abusive and he would not even allow us to send flowers to her grave. He wouldn't even give us the location or address.
I am so mortified by these turn of events that I feel like I could cry at any given moment. We will never see her smile again, never be able to feel her warmth, and most tragically, I'll never be able to tell her how proud I am of her. I feel so guilty of not staying in touch with her during her darkest hour, when she needed a friend to help her during her time of need. I realize now, too late, that her zealous work ethic was really a cry for help.
I can only find a little solace in knowing that she can no longer feel pain now. She has finally exorcised her inner demons and has found peace for her soul. The only thing that I can do now is to carry on her memory and let her spirit live on inside my soul.
I am going to create a foundation in her name. I don't ever want to see anyone suffer the same fate that my dear friend went through.
Suna, may your soul rest in peace and your spirit live on forever.
Your devoted friend,
Jason Louie
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Operation: Stranglehold
Well, it's about time for another post. Sorry for the delay guys (and gals if any are actually reading this flaming blog). Anyways, try as I might, I can't seem to stop myself from venting my gripes and complaints here. So, rather than trying to fight it, I'm going to embrace the dark side and let it flow through my fingers as they type.
First off, the title of this post is a plan that my friend at work came up with and I named it as Operation: Stranglehold. Basically, our company is yet again, totally being mismanaged with idiotic management. Not only that, but our company is clearly ripping us off by penalizing us with something called a desk tax. The company is losing money, no, BLEEDING money due to unpaid invoices from clients on the IT sales side. My group, the HR recruiting arm, was originally meant to be a minor, secondary means of revenue. Now, it's become the main money maker of the company.
There's only one solution to this problem. Make as money as possible so that we will run the program as we see fit. Currently, as it stands, the more placements we make as a team, the more value we place ourselves in. Eventually, we will come to the point where we can essentially become untouchable from the idiotic powers that be. It'll become a stranglehold.
First off, the title of this post is a plan that my friend at work came up with and I named it as Operation: Stranglehold. Basically, our company is yet again, totally being mismanaged with idiotic management. Not only that, but our company is clearly ripping us off by penalizing us with something called a desk tax. The company is losing money, no, BLEEDING money due to unpaid invoices from clients on the IT sales side. My group, the HR recruiting arm, was originally meant to be a minor, secondary means of revenue. Now, it's become the main money maker of the company.
There's only one solution to this problem. Make as money as possible so that we will run the program as we see fit. Currently, as it stands, the more placements we make as a team, the more value we place ourselves in. Eventually, we will come to the point where we can essentially become untouchable from the idiotic powers that be. It'll become a stranglehold.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Back on the wagon...
Every time I hear this phrase, I always think about the poor soul who faces his/her demons of addiction only to regress. Alcoholism, drug-abuse, gambling, bad boyfriends/girlfriends, we all have at least one evil addiction that pulls us back in for whatever reason.
Well, thanks to those bastards at Blizzard who created the Warcraft series, I'm now back on the wagon of MMORPGs. (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) Just so that you know, I was once the guy who would lock himself in his room eating leftover stuff and drinking large quantities of coffee while playing EQ. I averaged about 4 hours of Evercrack each day and woke up bleary-eyed to work every morning. And believe it or not, I was only minorly addicted, as some of my friends averaged 14 hours a day. I finally quit Everquest, cold turkey, one day. I cancelled my payments, deleted my characters which I had invested countless hours and days developing, and didn't look back. It wasn't that I was bored with the game, just that I realized that there were better things to do instead of logging on.
Now? I'm happily married, living halfway around the world from my hometown...and I back on the friggin' wagon again with WoW. Well, I guess since I'm unemployed at the moment and biding my time until I get hired at a job, it will help pass the time.
Then again, I did read where marriages have been ruined by going down this road...
Well, thanks to those bastards at Blizzard who created the Warcraft series, I'm now back on the wagon of MMORPGs. (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) Just so that you know, I was once the guy who would lock himself in his room eating leftover stuff and drinking large quantities of coffee while playing EQ. I averaged about 4 hours of Evercrack each day and woke up bleary-eyed to work every morning. And believe it or not, I was only minorly addicted, as some of my friends averaged 14 hours a day. I finally quit Everquest, cold turkey, one day. I cancelled my payments, deleted my characters which I had invested countless hours and days developing, and didn't look back. It wasn't that I was bored with the game, just that I realized that there were better things to do instead of logging on.
Now? I'm happily married, living halfway around the world from my hometown...and I back on the friggin' wagon again with WoW. Well, I guess since I'm unemployed at the moment and biding my time until I get hired at a job, it will help pass the time.
Then again, I did read where marriages have been ruined by going down this road...
Friday, February 29, 2008
Becoming reacquainted with American life...
Four and half years...and counting. I've lived in Japan for about four and a half years and I'm amazed at how foreign I feel having visited Boston since. Long story short, my wife and I feel that it's time to make moves to a new life and new careers. I have nothing against Japan, in fact, I really feel like my maturity and development as a person and professional have grown exponentially. Having said that however, my career potential has some serious limitations should I stay in Japan at my current job situation.
And so, New York is the place that we are looking to settle down in as well as getting the career goals that my wife and I are hoping to achieve. Having stayed in Boston and New York now for the past month, it's amazing to note how many things I miss about Japan and how many things I took for granted in the US.
One of the biggest surprises to me is the response that I've been receiving in the job market. In a span of about 3 weeks, I have received 2 job offers, which I have had to turn down. Had I tried job searching in Japan, the first thing that all interviewers are quick to point out is the fact that I've changed my job more than twice. It's quite a different experience because my confidence was shattered thanks to interviewers using my job changing as an indicator of my lack of character and loyalty. In the US? The interviewers I've spoken to have been scared that they couldn't offer me enough salary (which was true) and that I could become bored with their roles.
I know that if I keep searching, I'll come across the right job for me, one that won't be involved in HR anymore, hopefully. Seeing the field is starting to give me back the confidence that I need and I really can't say enough about the support I've received from everyone involved, especially the headhunters that I've spoken to.
I just hope that I can give everyone a result that they would be satisfied with.
And so, New York is the place that we are looking to settle down in as well as getting the career goals that my wife and I are hoping to achieve. Having stayed in Boston and New York now for the past month, it's amazing to note how many things I miss about Japan and how many things I took for granted in the US.
One of the biggest surprises to me is the response that I've been receiving in the job market. In a span of about 3 weeks, I have received 2 job offers, which I have had to turn down. Had I tried job searching in Japan, the first thing that all interviewers are quick to point out is the fact that I've changed my job more than twice. It's quite a different experience because my confidence was shattered thanks to interviewers using my job changing as an indicator of my lack of character and loyalty. In the US? The interviewers I've spoken to have been scared that they couldn't offer me enough salary (which was true) and that I could become bored with their roles.
I know that if I keep searching, I'll come across the right job for me, one that won't be involved in HR anymore, hopefully. Seeing the field is starting to give me back the confidence that I need and I really can't say enough about the support I've received from everyone involved, especially the headhunters that I've spoken to.
I just hope that I can give everyone a result that they would be satisfied with.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Y'all must've forgot...
Those were the lyrics of a rap song sung by Roy Jones Jr. himself. Although the song meant that he could still dominate the competition in the boxing world, the actual fight that came after kinda made us forget about him as a contender. Well, that song didn't quite work out for him.
In Randy Moss' case however, that song really fit his performance to a tee after reading about his performance in the game against the Jets. I mean, wow! I really boils down to one thing, the Raiders were really that bad. Of course, it's only one game this season so far...
One thing that I will truly miss this season, seeing coaching rants. The last truly great coach tirade came from Denny Green with his "they were...who WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!" rant. I don't think we'll ever see another classic like that one, unless good ol' Herm Edwards comes up with something. Some personal favorites:
"Playoffs!? We're just trying to to win one game! PLAYOFFS?!?!?!?!?!" - Jim Mora
"What do you think about your team's execution?" - reporter asking the Tampa Bay coach
"I'm all for it!" - Tampa Bay coach
"We didn't do diddly poo!" - Jim Mora (will have to check on this, I think it's was from his Saint's days)
"WE PLAYYYYY TO WINNN THE GAMMME!!! HELLO?!" - Herm Edwards (it's up to you now Herm!)
In Randy Moss' case however, that song really fit his performance to a tee after reading about his performance in the game against the Jets. I mean, wow! I really boils down to one thing, the Raiders were really that bad. Of course, it's only one game this season so far...
One thing that I will truly miss this season, seeing coaching rants. The last truly great coach tirade came from Denny Green with his "they were...who WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!" rant. I don't think we'll ever see another classic like that one, unless good ol' Herm Edwards comes up with something. Some personal favorites:
"Playoffs!? We're just trying to to win one game! PLAYOFFS?!?!?!?!?!" - Jim Mora
"What do you think about your team's execution?" - reporter asking the Tampa Bay coach
"I'm all for it!" - Tampa Bay coach
"We didn't do diddly poo!" - Jim Mora (will have to check on this, I think it's was from his Saint's days)
"WE PLAYYYYY TO WINNN THE GAMMME!!! HELLO?!" - Herm Edwards (it's up to you now Herm!)
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Realization
The moment I returned to the headhunting business after a successful stint in onsite recruiting at a bank, I realized that the headhunting business just isn't, well...me.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realize now that the root of all my troubles wasn't really about the crazy people I worked in the past 2 companies, nor was it about bad management. The real problem is myself.
You see, the main reason why I decided to get into headhunting was to make enough money to support me and Akane. That very same reason is also why I'm not fit to be a headhunter in the first place. The key phrase here is "to make enough money". When considering a career in executive search recruitment, in order to be successful, you can't be thinking about making just enough money. To be a successful headhunter, one has to continually push themselves in order to make money, therefore, such thoughts are not only meaningless, they are also anti-productive.
Let's imagine that a chef who has created a masterpiece of a dish. Can that chef truly be successful if he says to himself "This dish is great, I don't need to create another one for a while." Or how about a certain wide receiver who admits to "taking plays off every now then when running routes?" In those two instances, they won't be successful. Randy Moss has seen successful years while in Minnesota, but overall, Marvin Harrison has achieved much more through his consistency.
For the headhunter, if you stop yourself short and if money is not the most important goal in life, the odds are stacked against you. That's where I find myself now. I've discovered that, to me, money is not everything. Happiness is my ideal version of success. I don't need 200 grand usd per year. If I make 100 grand we'll be fine.
When I worked in the bank for the past few months, I was extremely happy. Akane saw it too. Everything was good again. And then I it was over and I find myself back to headhunting again. Things are bad again.
So it's settled. I'm looking to settle in the finance industry and hope to leave the headhunting business for good. Happiness is not worth sacrificing for the sake of money. Though I say that I haven't been happy doing headhunting, I don't regret anything.
If it weren't for the first headhunting company, I wouldn't have been able to make some truly great friends who will support me through thick and thin.
If it weren't for the second headhunting company, I wouldn't have been able to learn about financial markets and would never have known how interesting that field really is.
If it weren't for my current employer, I never would've had the chance to work at a bank with some truly remarkable people and most importantly, realize what it is exactly that I want to do for a career. If I can just somehow get hired by a bank, I will be extremely satisfied.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realize now that the root of all my troubles wasn't really about the crazy people I worked in the past 2 companies, nor was it about bad management. The real problem is myself.
You see, the main reason why I decided to get into headhunting was to make enough money to support me and Akane. That very same reason is also why I'm not fit to be a headhunter in the first place. The key phrase here is "to make enough money". When considering a career in executive search recruitment, in order to be successful, you can't be thinking about making just enough money. To be a successful headhunter, one has to continually push themselves in order to make money, therefore, such thoughts are not only meaningless, they are also anti-productive.
Let's imagine that a chef who has created a masterpiece of a dish. Can that chef truly be successful if he says to himself "This dish is great, I don't need to create another one for a while." Or how about a certain wide receiver who admits to "taking plays off every now then when running routes?" In those two instances, they won't be successful. Randy Moss has seen successful years while in Minnesota, but overall, Marvin Harrison has achieved much more through his consistency.
For the headhunter, if you stop yourself short and if money is not the most important goal in life, the odds are stacked against you. That's where I find myself now. I've discovered that, to me, money is not everything. Happiness is my ideal version of success. I don't need 200 grand usd per year. If I make 100 grand we'll be fine.
When I worked in the bank for the past few months, I was extremely happy. Akane saw it too. Everything was good again. And then I it was over and I find myself back to headhunting again. Things are bad again.
So it's settled. I'm looking to settle in the finance industry and hope to leave the headhunting business for good. Happiness is not worth sacrificing for the sake of money. Though I say that I haven't been happy doing headhunting, I don't regret anything.
If it weren't for the first headhunting company, I wouldn't have been able to make some truly great friends who will support me through thick and thin.
If it weren't for the second headhunting company, I wouldn't have been able to learn about financial markets and would never have known how interesting that field really is.
If it weren't for my current employer, I never would've had the chance to work at a bank with some truly remarkable people and most importantly, realize what it is exactly that I want to do for a career. If I can just somehow get hired by a bank, I will be extremely satisfied.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Jason takes Manhattan?
Ok, that's a terrible pun, I admit, but there is a very good chance that I will be moving to NYC within the next few years.
How it started was that my wife had been thinking about moving to the states with me for quite sometime, but the outlook in my opinion wasn't really good enough to make me confident in that move. She was thinking that LA would be the best choice and really didn't want to go east considering all the cold weather. I have nothing against LA, it's just that my job prospects don't really look that good there in comparison to NY. At the same time, my wife is really scared of extreme cold weather so I'd have to factor that into consideration.
All that changed once she met up with an old friend of hers who had lived in NY for 2 years. After hearing about all the positive aspects of the big apple, she suddenly had a change of heart and started to become interested. When she told me about her plan, I was at first apprehensive because I didn't have enough time to digest what had just happened.
Several minutes go by and immediately I became excited. Investment banks have made NY their home and that industry is absolutely the one area that I would like to stay in. Having done some searching for jobs in that area, it quickly became apparent that, YES, we CAN do this!
I, for one, am extremely psyched over this. It's not that I don't enjoy Japan, rather, it's really the only place where I have been able to become an independent man and grow as a person. However, if I really want to make that next leap for a truly rewarding career, my chances are much higher in NY. Afterall, I'm still trying to shake off the whole english teacher/headhunter image and it looks like it's a completely uphill battle. Not impossible mind you, just extremely difficult.
Though Japan has been great for me, I've also begun to truly miss certain things that only the US can bring. Thanksgiving dinners with family and friends, NBA, NFL, MLB, cheaper food, more variety in supermarkets, driving, being able to play basketball and tennis free of charge (or at least less than 25 bucks per hour), xmas and new years. All of these things were taken for granted by me and I realize how much I truly miss them all.
Realistically, this idea is at 75% chance of turning into reality. My wife has another 2.5 years of grad school left and my job prospects won't be good until after a couple more years of experience in the investment banking industry. I really do hope it becomes a reality in the near future though.
How it started was that my wife had been thinking about moving to the states with me for quite sometime, but the outlook in my opinion wasn't really good enough to make me confident in that move. She was thinking that LA would be the best choice and really didn't want to go east considering all the cold weather. I have nothing against LA, it's just that my job prospects don't really look that good there in comparison to NY. At the same time, my wife is really scared of extreme cold weather so I'd have to factor that into consideration.
All that changed once she met up with an old friend of hers who had lived in NY for 2 years. After hearing about all the positive aspects of the big apple, she suddenly had a change of heart and started to become interested. When she told me about her plan, I was at first apprehensive because I didn't have enough time to digest what had just happened.
Several minutes go by and immediately I became excited. Investment banks have made NY their home and that industry is absolutely the one area that I would like to stay in. Having done some searching for jobs in that area, it quickly became apparent that, YES, we CAN do this!
I, for one, am extremely psyched over this. It's not that I don't enjoy Japan, rather, it's really the only place where I have been able to become an independent man and grow as a person. However, if I really want to make that next leap for a truly rewarding career, my chances are much higher in NY. Afterall, I'm still trying to shake off the whole english teacher/headhunter image and it looks like it's a completely uphill battle. Not impossible mind you, just extremely difficult.
Though Japan has been great for me, I've also begun to truly miss certain things that only the US can bring. Thanksgiving dinners with family and friends, NBA, NFL, MLB, cheaper food, more variety in supermarkets, driving, being able to play basketball and tennis free of charge (or at least less than 25 bucks per hour), xmas and new years. All of these things were taken for granted by me and I realize how much I truly miss them all.
Realistically, this idea is at 75% chance of turning into reality. My wife has another 2.5 years of grad school left and my job prospects won't be good until after a couple more years of experience in the investment banking industry. I really do hope it becomes a reality in the near future though.
