Friday, October 31, 2008
In memory of a dear friend
Recently, I've been trying to cope with the loss of a dear friend of mine. With respect to privacy for her family, I shall keep her full name anonymous here.
I met her in November of 2007. It was another new start for me at another recruitment company and I was still getting my feet wet trying to get adjusted to the new atmosphere. I met a new consultant there, who became my friend and whom I felt a very strong connection to. We were working on a project in the office while we waited for accounts to become active in order for us to be dispatched to different clients. It was very tedious work for the first month, and the atmosphere in the office was always prickly, but one thing that always helped was seeing the warm smile of my friend each day at work. It was one of those smiles that really warmed up any room and drew me in.
As I got to know her, I found out that she was married, well-off financially to the point that she didn't need to work for salary, yet she really busted her ass off at work day in and day out. She would arrive at work every morning from 8:30am and leave work no earlier than 8pm. She would sometimes work all the way until 11pm, trying to finish some proposals to be finalized for business deals the next day. She wasn't paid much, but it never seemed to matter to my friend. All she ever wanted was recognition and acceptance from us. "You're doing an amazing job!" "I've never seen anyone work so hard like you before." "You are a very important part of our team!"
Comments like those always seemed to take her smile and warmth to the next level. It seemed like she truly felt alive whenever she felt appreciated for all the hard work she had done. She took so much pride into her work, it may have been a bit extreme.
One time, when she was working onsite at a client, she left the company suddenly. Nobody knew what had happened and I was very worried for my friend. I called her at 11pm one night, just to say hi and ask if she was ok. She told me that she felt betrayed at work somehow, but couldn't really put her finger on any specific moment. She told me that she had a traumatic experience before and it somehow was triggered. She felt so guilty and ashamed, that she really was afraid of what our boss would say. I convinced her to come back and let her know that everything is forgiven and that we truly needed her. She ultimately did come back and things were back to normal for a while.
Some time later, I had to leave the company and she came in to replace my role at the client site. After a few months, I came back to Japan and visited my friend to see how she was doing. When I met her again, she seemed very comfortable and brimmed with confidence. She still had the same smile, the same warmth about her, but this time she also seemed to have an aura of secureness. She was in a great situation and I was so proud of her. I really felt like she was going to do well.
Several months pass and I received the biggest shock of my life. I discovered that my dear friend had passed away.
Business was not going so well at the client site and people were being let go as a result. There was a lot of confusion and my ex-colleagues were now struggling. It was during that time that my dear friend made the choice, to take her own life...
Mere words cannot possibly describe the anguish that I feel now. Her passing was so sudden and then there were signs indicating that her emotional state was unstable and required medication. There were also signs indicating the possibility of her husband being abusive and he would not even allow us to send flowers to her grave. He wouldn't even give us the location or address.
I am so mortified by these turn of events that I feel like I could cry at any given moment. We will never see her smile again, never be able to feel her warmth, and most tragically, I'll never be able to tell her how proud I am of her. I feel so guilty of not staying in touch with her during her darkest hour, when she needed a friend to help her during her time of need. I realize now, too late, that her zealous work ethic was really a cry for help.
I can only find a little solace in knowing that she can no longer feel pain now. She has finally exorcised her inner demons and has found peace for her soul. The only thing that I can do now is to carry on her memory and let her spirit live on inside my soul.
I am going to create a foundation in her name. I don't ever want to see anyone suffer the same fate that my dear friend went through.
Suna, may your soul rest in peace and your spirit live on forever.
Your devoted friend,
Jason Louie
I met her in November of 2007. It was another new start for me at another recruitment company and I was still getting my feet wet trying to get adjusted to the new atmosphere. I met a new consultant there, who became my friend and whom I felt a very strong connection to. We were working on a project in the office while we waited for accounts to become active in order for us to be dispatched to different clients. It was very tedious work for the first month, and the atmosphere in the office was always prickly, but one thing that always helped was seeing the warm smile of my friend each day at work. It was one of those smiles that really warmed up any room and drew me in.
As I got to know her, I found out that she was married, well-off financially to the point that she didn't need to work for salary, yet she really busted her ass off at work day in and day out. She would arrive at work every morning from 8:30am and leave work no earlier than 8pm. She would sometimes work all the way until 11pm, trying to finish some proposals to be finalized for business deals the next day. She wasn't paid much, but it never seemed to matter to my friend. All she ever wanted was recognition and acceptance from us. "You're doing an amazing job!" "I've never seen anyone work so hard like you before." "You are a very important part of our team!"
Comments like those always seemed to take her smile and warmth to the next level. It seemed like she truly felt alive whenever she felt appreciated for all the hard work she had done. She took so much pride into her work, it may have been a bit extreme.
One time, when she was working onsite at a client, she left the company suddenly. Nobody knew what had happened and I was very worried for my friend. I called her at 11pm one night, just to say hi and ask if she was ok. She told me that she felt betrayed at work somehow, but couldn't really put her finger on any specific moment. She told me that she had a traumatic experience before and it somehow was triggered. She felt so guilty and ashamed, that she really was afraid of what our boss would say. I convinced her to come back and let her know that everything is forgiven and that we truly needed her. She ultimately did come back and things were back to normal for a while.
Some time later, I had to leave the company and she came in to replace my role at the client site. After a few months, I came back to Japan and visited my friend to see how she was doing. When I met her again, she seemed very comfortable and brimmed with confidence. She still had the same smile, the same warmth about her, but this time she also seemed to have an aura of secureness. She was in a great situation and I was so proud of her. I really felt like she was going to do well.
Several months pass and I received the biggest shock of my life. I discovered that my dear friend had passed away.
Business was not going so well at the client site and people were being let go as a result. There was a lot of confusion and my ex-colleagues were now struggling. It was during that time that my dear friend made the choice, to take her own life...
Mere words cannot possibly describe the anguish that I feel now. Her passing was so sudden and then there were signs indicating that her emotional state was unstable and required medication. There were also signs indicating the possibility of her husband being abusive and he would not even allow us to send flowers to her grave. He wouldn't even give us the location or address.
I am so mortified by these turn of events that I feel like I could cry at any given moment. We will never see her smile again, never be able to feel her warmth, and most tragically, I'll never be able to tell her how proud I am of her. I feel so guilty of not staying in touch with her during her darkest hour, when she needed a friend to help her during her time of need. I realize now, too late, that her zealous work ethic was really a cry for help.
I can only find a little solace in knowing that she can no longer feel pain now. She has finally exorcised her inner demons and has found peace for her soul. The only thing that I can do now is to carry on her memory and let her spirit live on inside my soul.
I am going to create a foundation in her name. I don't ever want to see anyone suffer the same fate that my dear friend went through.
Suna, may your soul rest in peace and your spirit live on forever.
Your devoted friend,
Jason Louie
# posted by bastard : 9:33 AM
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